I want to wait until my brother goes to sleep and take some sleeping pills, slit my wrists, and lie down and sleep...or die, whichever is fine. But I can't do that. I WON'T do that. No matter how badly I want to. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I am not the same person I was 2 MONTHS ago. I want to change myself. I want to be different. I just don't know how to change how I feel-can you even do that? I guess you have to change other things so that you feel differently about them...I feel like I suck,but I know that I don't. How can I get my thoughts to line up with my feelings? Wanting them to doesn't seem to be working, and I am closing in on my 2 and 3/4 months without cutting myself. The urge, the need to cut is only getting stronger...it wasn't so bad at first ironically, but now? It is so bad. I don't know what to do or how to go about doing whatever it is I need to do. I feel like if I could just DO SOMETHING to help I would feel better. But everything is so freaking slooooooooow. Ugh, I am crabby right now. I hate this I hate this I hate this.......What the hell am I doing wrong? What could I be doing differently? I am getting help, I don't know what else to do. I am trying so hard.