So depressed it's hard to type, physical pain & emotional bad combo after surgery

By rocksasamickguitar on Sat, 02-04-12, 00:54

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Just two days after being in the hospital for six days in it having two surgeries one of which was removal of my gallbladder I lay awake groaning in intense pain envisioning my death which will be an accident. Leaving the house my Aunt says from the van did the door latch? I turn to check, a firm tug, the door gives way, I am already turned off canter, I fall backwards. In a dreamlike state I mumble something to the effect of did you get all your Christmas shopping done as I slide backwards down the steep railing, and my my left foot find no purchase on the first step. From here it is easy. I fell yesterday in the tub, no warning, just everything went blank, and I was going down, hardly time for a half hearted reach at a plastic towel hook. I am on Antivert already, I fall all the time. So here I go, falling backwards through the air towards the hard concrete driveway below, in a daze, more head first than body, thud, and a bounce, and a slight slide as my feet hit, and my legs stretch out. Possible a seizure would follow right away, I do have lesions one each on my frontal lobes already, and such shock with head trauma could bring on a seizure. When I flat lined in the ER last Summer following my second heart attack, I was soo mad at those doctors for using their advances in medical science to trick the Lord's will snatching me from the most perfect place I have ever been walking in the clouds with my Grandmother! Ever since then, since my third heart attack, since I was crushed in a horrific boating accident, since I ran 104 fever from seizure crushed teeth, since my two surgeries this week, I have been searching for a clean way back in. Just tonight, a few moments ago, while laying there in painful agony, it came to me. It is all worked out. The railing is weak, the carpet on the stairs is not glued down, my Aunt recently changed the locks and even if you slam the damn door, it will open if you gingerly pull on it. I am practically home free. Free from this wretched painful body, this torrid hateful World, these miserable thoughts of a torn family wrought with abuse and addictions...FREE. I am shaking so badly right now.

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By Suzee on Sat, 02-04-12, 07:52

I was so happy to see you here, but very sorry for how you've been doing. :0( I am so very sorry you've had so much continued pain and illness. Please know that I do hold you close to my heart and I will pray for you.

Sending gentle sincere hugs, Suzee

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By rocksasamickguitar on Sat, 02-04-12, 21:03

hi. in bad shape right now.

Hey, at least I got my feet wet!

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By Suzee on Sun, 02-05-12, 08:26

I am so sorry things are still so difficult!! Please know we are glad to see you back here and want to be here for you in every way that we can be.

Big hugs, Suzee

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By rocksasamickguitar on Sun, 02-05-12, 13:05

None of the Saints went without pain, and suffering. It is the perils of this life here on Earth, the the whips and scorns of time, the pain...ohhh the pain...lesions on my brain, no duvet from my family, degenerative bone disease, Meniere's disease, ALS, three heart attacks, seizures, broken bones, trembles, shakes, aches, ailments fitting of a mighty Saint that will one day rise up above all creation stand at the side of the Savior our Lord God in Heaven and glow with rays of love and light flowing down onto all who call unto him for I now will have the comfort choke full in my heavenly being...Full of comfort for those who suffer... to become a better Saint... so that I may in end times lead many others ... to the great homes...in the heavens ... where no 1 else... suffers!!!

Hey, at least I got my feet wet!

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By dancingspirit on Wed, 02-08-12, 06:10

I'm so sorry your suffering. You deserve to be completely pain-free. Free of All illness, and suffering! It's "not right" that your going through so much.

I'm praying for you. Keep Asking for God's Help....for inner wisdom.

Sending Light your way~~~
Dancingspirit

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By rocksasamickguitar on Wed, 02-08-12, 21:11

Thank you Dancing Spirit!! My wounds from surgery last week are healing up. 4 holes in your stomach and abdomen gets the Gallbladder out. Then I can get back to dealing with everything else physically wrong with me. Sigh...Light received, John

Hey, at least I got my feet wet!

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By dancingspirit on Thu, 02-09-12, 06:29

Dear Rocksasamickguitar,

Maybe I will just call you Mick, that's a long name. (-:

I am so happy to hear your wounds are healing,
Thank goodness!!! I think your amazing with everything you are going through. The Strength & Courage it takes to go through everything you have gone through...not only that, but then you try and help others as well!! How many people would do that??? That's really something.

I have the greatest empathy for all of your physical challenges, very few people, if any, could go through everything you have gone through, you are a true warrior with a beautiful soul.

I am sorry however, your journey has been so difficult, and yes, sometimes the suffering in this world can bring anyone down. However, even though there is darkness, I believe there is also light, and even though, so many have a difficult journey, with all my heart, I believe that "Light" will triumph in the end. Then your wish will come true, and there will be no more suffering! I'm very proud of your determination & perserverence. Keep up the good work. I'm praying for you right now, please let me know if you ever need additional prayer. Also here are few quotes that I found just for you! I hope you like them.

"Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have
encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds."
Orison Sweett Marden

"Success is falling nine times and getting up ten"
Jon Bon Jovie

Both of these quotes fit you so well, except, instead of getting up ten times, you've gotton up hundreds.....how amazing is that? Big Hugs! (-:

Dancingspirit

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By rocksasamickguitar on Thu, 02-09-12, 07:18

Thank you so very much for your kind words!! I am At ' doctors right now. Very nervous your words. Comfort inn me.

Hey, at least I got my feet wet!

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By Suzee on Thu, 02-09-12, 07:34

Sending prayers and hugs!! Let us know how your appointment goes!!

Big hugs, Suzee

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By W Fox on Mon, 02-13-12, 13:55

Hello John, since I havent been experiencing insomnia, I havent been in this group. But, today I was prompted to see how everyone was doing. Gosh, Im sorry so much has happened with you since! I too will pray to Creator to give you strength, courage and a light to guide you on your path. Love and many hugs, friend. Ronda

"Everything on the earth has a purpose, every disease a herb to cure it, and every person a mission." Mourning Dove - Salish

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