No clue where to start

Are you in a safe place right now?
Are you seeing a doc/counselor/therapist?

You definately came to the right place for support so poor your heart out, we will help you. I know some about meds, I need to be on them to sleep each night so I hear ya. I have struggled with depression since I was 10 years old when I had to have my first surgery. The depression really came on at 15-16. I am in my forties now and know all about Depression. Lets get talking, we can all help you here.

Yes I'm safe. I promise I'm not suicidal or anything. Honestly, I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I just dont understand why I'm dwelling on everything now. Why is everything bothering now? Why am I so emotional and depressed about things that have happened years ago? I thought I had gotten through everything okay. I thought I was strong... mentally and emotionally... but now I feel like I'm a fragile piece of glass. Yesterday I cried over a freaking commercial.... just because it reminded me of something that happened forever ago. I'll be fine one minute - busy thinking about work or what I'm going to cook for dinner - then the next minute I'm thinking about the past. Am I premenopausal? Am I in a depression? Do I need to get my hormones checked?

Why do things bother me NOW? I've been fine up until about a few months ago. Why do I think about things that I dont want to be reminded of? Even when I sleep, I dream about the past. I am about to get married and start a new chapter of my life... why does this BS come pouring back into my life NOW?

I know it always hits us at strange times. But this is part of emotions that comes all the times and we never know when it will set off depression. Make sure you keep yourself surrounded by positive supportive people and family. Make sure you make an apt next week to be seen. Keep yourself busy this weekend to distract your feelings on how you feel to get you through until you can see your doc/counselor/therapist. You always have this site. Hang in there we all can help.

Distracting Ideas:

Baking your fav dish

Baking your fav dessert

Making your fav cup of tea and enjoying it one sip at a time.

Tell yourself I am only going to think of what I need to do this minute to make it until I can get healthy. This is called turning the mind on the DBT Skills I use.

When you do the dishes notice each dish how it looks, how it feels to clean it, do the dish one mindfully. another skill in DBT I use.

Make an apt this weekend to get pampered, spa, haircut, mani pedi

Whatever it takes for you to get through today and this weekend try to do it.

I repeat in my Head over and over until the thoughts get out of my head
"Fake it to Make it"

what kitcat1 said! And not that I'm advocating pretending, but I've found personally when I act like I'm happier/satisfied it actually DOES make me happier sooner or find happiness more easily. :) Trust me, everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes and it could be triggered by anything! You said "I wish I could just forget it all and start over." I can't name the number of regrets I've had in my life and times I wished I could just have amnesia or something so I wouldn't have to relive stuff! But life is too short to have regrets, what's the use of living in the past? Be happy and thankful and live in the present. Hope I helped some!