Just Wondering

Do you want an honest answer, or a positive SG type answer?

But before I really answer, why did you ask your questions here at SG tonight?

I was looking for honest. I asked because I wouold like some reasons for myself to stay here and not end it.

Where are the positive support people here at SG???

Hi More, I am so sorry you are feeling this way and I truly mean that. I apologize for not knowing much about you. Could you possibly fill me in a little about your circumstances? I really know what it feels like to be so overwhelmed with anxiety, stress, fear etc.... but I do feel life is worth fighting for and that we all have purpose to be here even if we can't easily see it at times!!

Please know that I truly care and I am here if you'd like to talk!!

Hugs, Suzee

Long story short, I'm 17, I have depression, I was raped a couple years ago, and my mother wants me to be perfect and won't accept anything less. I've cut and thought of suicide for a few years now. I attempted and failed so I'm here, trying to get help and looking for a reason to live.

I'm so sorry!!! Rape is not something easily dealt with. I am so very sorry you have had to endure that. As you know, it's one hell of a blow to our self esteem and depression!! I read a couple of your other threads waiting for your reply and you said you convinced your psychiatrist that you were fine so you didn't have to see him/her again. I really think it's best that you go to counceling. I'm not preaching at all, I just want you to get the help you need because you deserve to feel better. Have you talked to a therapist? Here, in my area, there are support groups for people who feel suicidal. They have different ones for different age groups which is probably a good idea so that teens can relate to other teens etc....

I'm sorry you feel decieved by your friends who told the school who told your parents but they told someone because they really care about you and don't want you to hurt yourself. I am sure you've been told that more times than you'd like to think about, but it really is true

Sending empathetic hugs, Suzee

I can't trust a psychiatrist because they have to tell my parents if I tell them any of this kind of stuff and I don't want my parents to know. Plus they blamed themselves and each other when they found out and I really don't wanna have to deal with that too again. I don't know of any groups in my area but that would again have to include telling my parents. They can't handle it so I have to keep it from them. It's so taboo in my house that when my mom talks about my antidepressant, even if it's just the two of us, she calls it my "other medicine". It's like she can't even think about the fact that I have depression so I'm not perfect. It's frustrating that if I wanted to talk to her about it (even though I don't) I wouldn't be able to because she can't accept it.

I am so sorry. It's sad that even in this day and age that people would still think of depression etc... as taboo. I am very sorry about that. I can hear that you don't want to cause your parents any stress or guilt, which is understandable but if you are going to hurt yourself, the most important thing is keeping you safe. Will you promise to message me if you are ever feeling that you will hurt yourself?

How long is it until you are 18? I don't promote disrespect to parents but maybe if you could go to a support group or therapist without your parents having to give consent or having access to what you say, would allow you to work through these terrible things you've gone through and yet not have them blaming themselves etc.

Sending big hugs, Suzee

I promise I'll do that. I have 6 months until I'm 18 but I'll still be on their insurance so they'd know. They wouldn't get to know what I said but they'd pester me until I told them. I'm on here without their knowledge or consent but that's about all I've got.

Ok thank for promising me that!! Maybe one hour, one day, and one week at a time, we will figure out a way together for you to get the help and support you need. :0) I can see that your parents love you so very much!!! Being a kid isn't so easy sometimes!! Even when you're 46 years old it isn't easy being a kid sometimes as my Dad can drive me wacko sometimes still to this day!!! ;0)

I guess I'm someone who understands all sides as I am also a Mom of adult and teenage children and we've been through some very tough times.

Just know you do matter and we really do care. Depression, anxiety, suicide are things most of us are familiar with from all different views. I am glad that you reached out tonight and I hope you are feeling even a little bit better!!

More hugs, Suzee :0)