My parents divorced after 30 years of marriage which left my mother in a similar position, my sister and I have been out of the house for years, she has family, but most aren't that close physically or emotionally and his family circled the wagons around him. In a lot of ways she started from stratch, she is a yoga instructor and in time started dating the owner of the studio and making friends with her students or regulars at the studio.

You need to get out there, take a class, cooking, exercise, craft and start up a conversation. Volunteer, especially for the upcoming holidays! In my city there is a huge thanksgiving meal where they recruit hundreds of volunteers to make it all possible and it is a blast! I mean, yes you are scrubbing huge pots or serving scalding food, but the smiles are heart warming and you get to make friends with other volunteers. I also used to volunteer at the Salvation Army on Christmas (I use the past tense as I have small children and it will be a few years before they can volunteer).

Yes, this all does suck, no question, but you are not destined to live a life alone, just a life that is different than the one you had in mind.
Hugs-
CK

There are no classes where i live except for college and no volenteer ops except tutoring english and I dont speak Spanish. I look for stuff like that all the time but nothing. I live in the middle of Nowhere :( and im tired of fighting it just to lose over and over again.

Friends tend to be far apart as we get older, but still friends nonetheless. Try not to feel lonely, go out and do something like exercise. I feel better when I am in the gym because everyone in the gym are friendly and I feel I have company whenever I feel lonely. Being depressed takes the fun out of everything. It ruins your mood and makes it harder for you to talk to people. If you try and talk people more often, then eventually it would put you in a better mood. Everything takes time. Like you I don't want to be far apart from my family too. A lot of people are feeling the same way you are right now, including me. I just keep telling myself that my family will always be there for me. Take some classes if you have to. Keep your mind busy and try not to have those "I don't wanna live anymore" thoughts. Sometimes, I volunteer at homeless shelter to remind me that I can do more good alive then dead.

I dont think Anybody understands I DONT HAVE ANY FAMILY. i live in a tiny shitty town and there ARE NO CLASSES. No art classes, no cooking classes no classes at all. i have no money to even put gas in my car or pay for cable to have tv I really cant afford gym fees. There is nothing HERE to do. There is no where TO meet ppl but the grocerie store . And i have never had anyone approach me anywhere to talk to me bc they are always with Other ppl so why would they walk away from their friends to speak to a stranger . I cant meet ppl at work bc i CANT GET a job. I just dont belong anywhere with anyone and can find no way out of my solitary confinement. Except mby moving to a bigger town which I cant do until my lease is up and I can save $ To move with. Im STUCK and i cant tolerate it :(

Hi i know what it is like to feel lost and alone suffering from agoraphobia, i know how hard it is to fill your day when ur on ur own, but ur not alone on here always ppl to talk to, jogging or walking a dog is a g8 way to meet ppl and its free, best wishes! Take care!

I understand elle. I had no gym, no volunteer options, 1 small grocery in a nearby community, 1 small restaurant for pizza, no place to work, one company in neighboring town who basically employed the town. No college, no tech school, 1 tiny church with only a handful of older folks, no mall, no stores, nobody, and no family at all in two places I have lived. Limited resources to put it nicely. People known each other since they were born. Little room for anyone to be included. It was what it was. I understand your restlessness trapped feeling.

Honestly I do no know the answer. I know there are many problems that need solutions to lead you to the opportunity to do something different.
I will think too. You need a Process and not just a one phrase or sentence solution. An ordered sequence of what to do, then what, then ect... ect... Thinking of you sweetie.

Hi ellepm
I feel like you do although my situation is different. I completely relate to what you are saying. If you want a friemd (long distance) please email me at bevtex@sbcglobal.net. I would love to talk with you.

Well this is why we are all here, so we can have someone to talk to to. I'd be more than delighted to be your friend. You can message on here if you like. I might be slow to respond sometimes due to my work and school, but I'm here to listen.

Thank you everyone , thank you so very much. Your supportive kind words soothe my soul. I am Always here for any of you for anything I can do to help you, just ask. Thank you

Hi Ellepm,
I was in a similar situation also. I did have to start from scratch as well. This is something that was so painful for me I actually would have traded going crucifixion, emotional pain is and was tremendous for me. I made friends thru work, one at a time. I lost children, husband everything. I have elderly parents that don't have a clue or the ability to support anyone or anything...Still after 50yrs they constantly argue. I don't know how they stand it. People tell me at least I'm alone and not living in a bad situation??

I'm pretty alone. I don't make friends easily. I don't have much family living but your post reminded me of how grateful I am for the few people I do have. It is really hard to be around people who don't get that they should be happy with their parents because it would just be so great if mine were still around. I guess doing this is a step in the right direction. I hope things get better. Loneliness is awful, I know.

Sounds like such nice people here are reaching out and offering their support. I would like to join in reaching my hand out to you. I have family around but they are soo sick that I must keep me and my kids away from them as much as possible. Kinda hard to have a normal life when I fear my sister put poision in some chocolate milk that she gave to my kids. Gramps turned out to be a pedofile and gram stayed with him??? My ex is an alcoholic sex addict that drugged and raped me. Blah, blah. Just saying be careful what you wish for

Hi Ellepm,
I know how you feel. Wanting family and friends nearby. Wanting this so much ...and not having it. You see it all around you ...familis at the movies or at restaurants.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. This is just a "stage" in your life. Call it Stage 10: Being Alone After Divorce. And, from what I hear you saying, I am willing to bet this will be temporary, because it is not what you want.

I disagree with one comment you made ..."And theres nothing I can do about it.". I'm not going to tell you or sugget what can be done, but I do believe there are lots of things you can do about this. I also read " i have never had anyone approach me" ..well, we all come together here at SG because of shared experiences. So, you are not alone already. At least 5 people have approached you on this post.

You DO have a family - your kids. Be so thankful for that. I don't think they would want to hear you say "How the hell does a person end up w no family'. You ARE a family. Familes come in all shapes and sizes, even if it is just 2 or 3 people. At work, often managers, refer to the "Company Family". I read your post and I know you don;t want to hear it, but I will say I LOVE the group of people I volunteer with, and, yes we all are like a family. No matter where you are, volunteers are needed. YOU are needed. Can you imagine that here may be a housebound Old woman just a couple miles from you who would give anything to have someone to talk with if only just a couple hours a week? All of these possibilities are there waiting for your ...they want you. They won't come knocking at your door. So be brave, make your kids proud, and give it a try ...

Hi Ell, honey I'm always with you in spirit. If you get so down Amd need to talk pm me your number.

I know that trapped painful lonely feeling.

Love ya

Hi Ellepm,

I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Hang in there. I was told once, pains heal with time. You may hear it many times over and I truly believe in it. It just sucks going through the motion and that empty feeling....everyday.

Your discussion brought me to tears. I like to share something with you I hope you find peace in that moment you are going through. This is in regards to you being an orphan.

I often thought what if I was an orphan? Would my life be any better? The most painful feeling for me is having a family and a husband that never wanted me. As a child til adulthood, I was often told and teased I was found in the trash by my parents. It got a point where my siblings began to treat me the same. My parents never once hit me in any way. My parents never really did anything for me growing up except reminding me how much money I caused them. I was told, I was an embarrassment and they reminded me that they were ashamed of me. They were passive-aggressive people.

For example, on my high school graduation, I asked my parents to come to the ceremony. My parents told me they were ashamed to be seen in public with me. Instead, my mom attended her best friend’s daughter graduation. On one other incident when I was a kid and I picked up the phone. The caller on the other line was a predator and said very inappropriate sexual words and I got scared and cried running to my dad handing him the phone to let him know there was a bad person on the other line. My father brushed me off saying it was in my head and to “get over it."

The 17 years I grew with my family, I only remember once, Christmas tree. I never had a family vacation, birthday celebration, any other holiday celebrations, nothing. I only remember we sat down for dinner, as a family only twice. Then I got married during college and the ten+ years I married my husband, I never once had a honeymoon, vacations, holiday celebrations except Thanksgiving and X-Mas- only because they were his favorite holidays. It was a very lonely marriage that came with constant insult, being degraded, yelled at in public, being played mind-games. When I got married, I did not get a ring or any sort of gift from him to put in my ring finger. To top that off, I do not even have memory photos as keepsake of our marriage 10+ years together because he would get aggressive with me when I asked for a snapshot of us, or him making me think twice asking in the future.

When I recently asked my husband why he treated me so bad? His immediate response was, “Because your family treats you worst.”

Even though I was not an orphaned, I often wondered if my life would be any worst or better. I have a mom, dad, and siblings. I made every effort to be a part of a family that does not want me. I do not know why, I just know how I was treated. I have no friends at all. I mean literally, no one. I have no children too. Every day, I wake up and just wants to go back to sleep. I have no one to love me. I am jobless and cannot find one and I’m in my upper 30’s with no money to live on my own yet.

I used to have friends and as you said, “I can’t make new friends. I’m just too depressed nobody wants to be around me like that.”
There are many days I wished I was an orphan. It was lonely and fearsome growing up with my family . What I do not have that I longed for, like you, is a mother or sister. What I have learned is that ++++ There Will Be Better Days ++++

Oh my gosh, 1111pm your story has so many details that are exactly mine. That really freaks me out. WOW. I AM SERIOUSLY DISTURBED RIGHT NOW. How have you" washed all of this out of your hair" so to speak?? Did you have counseling?

hello 1111pm

Everything you shared is quite sobering. Thank you for sharing your story with SG. I am heartbroken by all you have endured. I am too shocked, at the moment, to feel empowered by your strength and perseverance. Your parents' behavior is incomprehensible and I am unable to even to approach it in this communication. I believe they are quite ill and had nothing healthy to give their children. It seems you accept and understand that you are Not the way you were treated. You are a person of value and worth. God bless you. 1111!

Elle I too found it unusual Realizing how separate I truly am. My life is separate from my husband's, children's, or anyone's. In a sense, I am alone. Requiring relationship to be physically and emotionally healthy, I cannot live in a bubble. That is why we find, I believe, our greatest strength in unity with other people of goodwill. Something, I feel, most of us did not experience with our family of origin or friends. It was not modeled for me how to thrive, enjoy my life while taking responsibility for myself. I did miss out on a lot. I know these are the things I get to learn now. Growth is painful. Yuck. I hate it.

I too will not,AKA cannot, go to my mother's due to my stepfather. I will not, AKA cannot, rely on my father as he can not understand the effects of growing up with my mother. Ect Ect blah blah... I change my can nots to will nots and it takes on a different feel. I too feel quite stuck and overwhelmed. I lack skills and tools to manage my life successfully today. Attempting to remember that I do
have choices. It is a Fact that in each circumstance we all have at least 3. Then actually choose and To DO It. I over do thinking and planning. Action is where I become stuck.

Much love to you 1111, elle, and SG!

I believe that you will take action when you are ready

If your comment was for me, thanks tammy123. Action is definitely something I can think myself into believing I have done. Kind of weird.

Heart breaks for you as well, as you relate so closely with 1111. It never eases to amaze me what some individuals are capable of doing to another human being. Sorry sweetie, God bless and be with you.

Makes me feel like weeping because it just feels like a big hug to hear supportive words. Soo kind. I was just actually kicking myself saying, "what a big baby, I am" so I do appreciate the kind words. I think it helps move us forward. Healing is good. Was raised to be silent and actually take care of everyone else. Then married a man who was a "suck it up" guy. Just never grieved and that's where I am but I can see the light and I am ready to get back into the game. Feeling healthy and prepared. I no longer feel like an open wound with the world rubbing salt into it. I have HOPE

Ellepm
You are not alone, we hear your cries and we feel your pain because we are you.Today I'm going to write down all my dreams of a happier tomorrow. Dreams of a life filled with love, joy and happiness. I'm going to write a list of what steps I need to take to make them come true. Some of these steps I know are steps I wont be able to take yet because of the circumstances of my life. Even steps I don't think will ever be possible. Think about where you want to be a year from now and a scenario on how you got there. Post it on here, put in on your fridge and read it everyday. One day you might find a step you can take. You don't have to do them in any order, just keep looking for one you can take. Be patience with yourself and don't quit fighting. You may not like were you are today but think of the possibilities of were you can go. Nothing in life worth having comes easy. Xoxo

"Suck it up!" Yep, heard that more than a few times. To speak to someone that way is truly horrible. Oh well, no more of that at least.

I'm new here and know what it feels like to be so lonely you just can't stand it. Family all dead or no contact since a child. One son who I have to beg to call me just once a week I ask. Lives 8 hrs away and is very busy with his own life.
Can't find work, moved to new place and tried to join something and did for a few months. My most loving dogs are there next to me and thank god for them. Sacred to walk them because 4 days ago a huge dog came running out and trying to pick up 2 little dogs it was a complete panic attack where I couldn't breath and both dogs were going crazy and clawing while I hurried to get to my house just a few minutes away.
An only child raised by a grandmother and rejected by both parents who I saw only a few times and lived across the country. Now dead at least I know my mom died, my father said "you were a mistake and I was too young" good thing your stepmother couldn't have kids huh?"
my name is hope and pray because that is what I do every hour of every day. I have to force myself to get out of the house once a week for couseling and grocery shopping.
Can't believe that trying to get help hasn't worked. Lexapro gave me headaches and so I just start having a beer, then another, just want to have something to do, someone who cares and my friends are all out of state and I don't want to be a downer so I pretend everything is fine and ask about them.
Faking that I am fine is unauthenic and it feels worse. They don't want to hear my woes. I don't blame them. I want to feel normal, join a group to have something to look forward to. people to call and say "come over and we'll BBQ or lets go hear or there.
I made one new friend and she was great until after 4 months she called and said "lets meet at the nail salon and get our nails done" I said Great! what time? She said she'd be back at noon and would call me then, we lived 2 miles away. No call at noon, at 1:15pm I called voicemail, 1:30pm I called - voicemail. Finally I gave up feeling totally rejected and she finally called at almost 4pm saying her cell phone died. Three days later I saw that she had been posting on her facebook page at 1:10pm. I was hurt and felt completed rejected and when I asked her a few days later she was defensive and said "I said I'm sorry, my phone battery died" I never did tell her I knew she was home on facebook.
So trying again after that is not motivating as I was before.
I know I have issues regarding rejection and abandonment and trying to work on it.
thanks anyone who took the time to read all this. Maybe after writing this I can let it go. If not I will just be lonely for the whole holiday and just get more depressed and more lonely.

Hoping and praying that things will change.

It is good to get it all out. When you see it written, you can somehow get better perspective. Fake friends are easy to come by and either your friend is fake,trying to ditch you or just not wanting to be honest with you for some reason. I avoided friends for several reasons.When I liked them I had such low self-esteem and/or no energy and when I didn't like someone I just didn't know how to get rid of them gently. So like or not like,I ended up with no friends. I think now that I am truly healing I would ne a really good friend. It would be a high priority of mine to deliberately be a good friend. An authentic friend. Like Gayle is to Oprah. Even though OPRAH is OPRAH ,Gayle is so real and it's just adorable to watch them interact. That is a REAL friendship and I am glad that they have let us peek into it because there are soo many sucky role models

I am wondering if people on here would consider themselves more "sensitive" than others. I don't mean sensitive as nicer or somehow better, I'm just thinking about temperments at birth. Like some babies are slow to warm up, some are easier than others to soothe. Just wondering

No, not me. I believe it is healthy to acknowledge, feel, and communicate our feelings to others. We all have feelings and they are to be respected. It is strange to pretend they are a problem or a weakness and stuff them inside. It is abuse to ridicule and insist that other's do that as well. Is that what you were asking tammy123?

I believe some ppl Feel more than others. They also Think more. Are more empathetic etc. I also believe its a combo of being born that way and also made that way. It occured to me last year that I was expecting my bff to be able to give back what she got from me. Finally figured out that she simply Cant. She just doesnt have it in her. Shes uncapable of giving 110% which is whst I do. So i either give and dont count on ppl to give back or i hold myself back to make it more equal. Bc it makes me mad to always be there for someone, answer all their calls and txts, listen to all their problems and not get the same treatment. My ex used to tell me the first few years after we met that he could never tell what my emotions were , he said i always had a blank face and a neutral tone of voice. That was from my "childhood training" dont cry, dont show fear, suck it up, be tough etc etc i was like a machine for awhile there. To show emotion good or bad around my stepfather was to incite cruelty. If i was numb i was safer. Now days I wish I had never untrained myself. I was in alot less pain when i felt nothing.
I think most ppl on here are more caring and understand that we r in PAIN and need to get it out. Thank God bc i really need ppl who give a damn and there r very few close to me.

HOPEANDPRAY- im right there with you. Our lives are very similiar. One thing i do know is that if your arent 'up and perky" all the time friends tend to avoid you. Thats y im not trying to make any right now, im in no shape to b perky. Wish you lived near me ! We'd be bff's and u and I would go for a walk w my aluminum baseball bat and treat that big dog like a pinata !!! Heheheheeee!!! 

ellepm- I can sooo relate. After nearly 50 years stuck in the blackness, I am finally out. For real, I am out. It is possible. There is hope. Don't lose hope because it can happen. The light feels so good . I can help you. PM me. I have been through just about everything. CoDependency helped me a lot. I hit rock bottom but was able to crawl out.

I'm certain that in time things will improve for you...At least that what everyone tells me too. I know that when I am extremely lonely...I try to rely on my relationship with Christ. That being said...I almost wanted to blame him for what happened with my relationship with my wife, but found it didn't help in the slightest bit. When I started praying, it helped me in my lonely times. Not sure if it will help for you, but I recommend it.

Ellepm, I was on the internet the other day looking for opportunity for jobs and I saw a site that was a caretaker living in a guest house in Costa Rico for an elderly woman. The job was just taking care of the garden, going to the grocery, taking care of pets and just being there so the lady didn't have to feel alone.
There was many other ones for people who can move. I bought a home so this wasn't for me but it sounds like a dream for you. A tropical paradise. If you are interested I'll look back in the history and find the website for you. I'm amazed at the places you can go and work and not be stuck in a place you hate and can't change. Just spend time looking online and you will be as surprised as I was.

Hope and pray, what a cool things you found! I had no idea such interesting choices were out there. Thanks for this info.

Elle, that the most interesting thing I have ever heard of. Maybe we should all reach out of our box further than considered in the past and investigate what is out there in the world! See, there is something out there for a change your life girl! Hope your day went well.

Sounds dreamy. Does make you consider all of the possibilities

elle there are many here thinking of you including me..you will never be alone

Thank you friends , i need you and appreciate you being here for me.
I do want that website thats the job for me !!! Id be so good at that, gardening, pets a home and someone to talk to !??? Wow ! Id love it !

I'll look at history tomorrow and see if I can find it. There are options out there if we search and look. I'm pushing myself to play cards at a local group tomorrow but later I'll check back - I think it was 2 months ago I found it.
I hope you get a chance for a new start. I did and although I'm extremely lonely and kind of shy I am really pushing to get out of the house and find work.

Believe that when you help others you find help for yourself - it's the way of the world.

I'll do my best to find the website again and spend as many hours as possible to find it for you, God Bless and pray I find it again.

with care,
Hope

You guys, we all need to read the book by Marianne Williamson, " A Return to Love" because when we are stuck in the black hole we need to be reminded that there is light out there. We need to attack this at all different angels. Talk to others, read, write, make lists, pray. It's all the work for your soul to heal and move forward. We must fight the darkness that wants to suck the life energy out of us!!!!!!

I will read the book Tammy. Is this a new book or could elle find it at the library? I know the author's,name from somewhere.

Don't you love the feeling of choices, ideas, thoughts, seeming to multiply? Like a gratitude list. In the beginning it was difficult for me to find even 1 thing to be grateful for. A friend said the only things she could think of being grateful for her husband for, was that he brushed his teeth! She said, "You not everyone has that. All people don't have husband's that brush their teeth."smile So that too is how I began. Or making a list of things You like. I found most difficult. I had absolutely No Idea. My first on that list was Coke, then M&Ms, thus my SG icon. When locating the 1st it leads you to another, and another, then another...I love it as my internal world enlarges.

Anyway have great afternoons everyone!byebye

No, it's not new. Library or online. I actually, had it just sitting on my shelf for years. Was watching Oprah recently and her guests mentioned it so I went and grabbed it and it is really, really great. I seriously have some strange psychic connection with Oprah. I could tell you many details but... Anyway, a few years ago I prayed for someone to show me the next step, I fell asleep and when I woke up, there was a book lying on the floor(I don't even think things like this are weird anymore) sooo I pick it up and it was IYanla Vanzant's. It helped because it was like a workbook that guided you and made you write stuff down after contemplating. Also, yesterday,I was at the used bookstore and angels put a book directly in my path. It's about calling on your angels and one of the authors is Timothy Wyllie. I particularly like him because I understand where he is coming from. I mean his perspective on things is similar which is soooooo refreshing to me because I thought I must be crazy until he validated me in his book about dolphins. Sorry for rambling but I love reading "growth" books

Do you want to message elle or would like me to? I am leaving the computer. I don't think anything is weird either. Just type for me to message if you want.smile

Thank you....... bye

Oh sorry, I guess I assumed she'd read this.I will write directly to her. Thanks

I know she uses her phone and has no access to her computer, you are probably right.

Hi all, do you think reading abook will really help ? Im getting beaten down to the point where im begining to wonder if God and his Angels have abandoned me :( i feel powerless and any decisions i make get blocked by the impossible. For example I got told abt this college my bff is going to one that has 9 month programs so if i started in febuary i could be working a good job in a dr office or after surgery care or hosp by next Christmas , making good money. BUT i have to move and get an aptment, ill need a roommate bc my ex is barely managing to pay my rent znd i need it lowered. So find a roomie, apt and move, need first last deposit pet deposit and gas to move , thats IMPOSSIBLE so i what sit her alone in the house snd cry somemore. I come up w ideas and cant do them. Like a goddamned JOB to earn the money to move but NOOOO no job for me. Im stuck all the time always walls i cant find a way over. But its Easy for other ppl. My bff leaves her hubby and 5 days later is in school. Its not right why cant anything come easy ? Or at least be possible ?

I'm here too! Instand friend, just add keyboard :)

Hi Ell, I love you. I'm sorry I can't post update on darn thread guess my name spam again. Grrrrrrrr.

I'm sorry your still feeling suffering the impact of this divorce. I hope that's not what I have to look foward to. Getting divorced after 28 years. I didnt want divorce he found mistress during my fight with cancer. He is taking everything. Our home our child. I pray in four years I'm still not suffering and sorry you are going yhrough the torture he is putting you and your vjildtrn through all i can say is im im shock I'm very religious and pray God will grant you peace and happiness. I'll update thread with more info once I'm mo longer spam. Grrrrrrrr

I love you

God bless

I will pray for you as well. I understand the confusion and being overwhelmed. Are there any church or social service assistance places you can call. They may even travel to come to you