Hopeful

I received mostly good news today. For this I am hopeful.
I am still fairly fresh with this website, and have found that my supporter and responses from other members are encouraging. So thankyou :)
I have found life to be rather complicated the last few months. There were very serious times when I found life to be to much to bare. By the grace of God I pulled through.
Today I received the results from my spinal tap and found that I do not have MS. Thank you God. The spinal tap itself had eliminated most of my symptoms. So now I am being treated for psuedo tumors and Insulin Resistance (which was discovered with blood work). I am so glad that this can be treated with diet, excercise, and healthy living.
The only problem I am facing that I am hoping to overcome are untreated depression and anxiety. Since I am pregnant I feel like I am up against a wall on how to deal with this. Between my Mother just passing away in December, my sickness and missing work, and the other huge demands in my life I really need help with this. Talk therapy feels so fake most times. Meds don't seem to be much of an option. Writing on here seems to help but each day I have breakdowns where I just can't manage. I feel these things are ruining my relationships: boyfriend, sons, myself.
My number one support system is not here anymore. I haven't really taken the time to grieve. I just masked evetything with Tramadol until I found out I was pregnant. Now that I can't self-medicate I am angry all the time. I am mad at myself for making everyone around me miserable as I am vicious with my words and a complete up and down roller-coaster.
Each day is getting better but sometimes better seems small when you are climbing up from rock bottom.