here goes nothin..

By i just wanna stop on Sat, 02-25-12, 22:35

Posted in Group:

okay, so i'm gonna keep this anonymous.. i'm fifteen years old, i'm a sophomore. I started cutting my wrists about 4 years ago.. it started as just a simple few cuts, nothing big.. it was a one time thing until i became very very depressed.. Sometimes i get so depressed i don't leave my room. For a whole summer i sat in my room, never left.. barley ate, barley moved, and i know it may sound gross, but i barley even showered.. then one day my friends told me they missed me and i got back into my life.. but it didn't last very long.. it never ever does.. you could look at me and see the happiest girl in the world, and sometimes i may be, but it never lasts long no matter how happy i am or wanna be.. the depression always kicks in at the times i'm happiest.. i hate it so much. but anyways, i started cutting four years ago, and ever since then it's like my.. drug. it's the only thing that helped for a long time.. it's what i did to get by, whenever i got depressed i just took out the razor and after i always felt better well mostly always. around this time last year i met a guy, i told him everything about it and he talked to me when i was depressed and got me to stop doing it for almost a whole year, while slipping occasionally. then we broke up, and it got worse then it ever was, i know that sounds dumb, hurting yourself over some guy? but that wasn't it, it was having no one to talk to, it was having the guy who helped you through it not being there to help you anymore.. his family was there for me a lot too, so i didn't just lose him i lost a whole family that helped so much.. but anyways.. i started partying hard.. at the time my mom wasn't around much she worked so much and spent most nights staying with her boyfriend, so i could do whatever i wanted.. so i partied every night.. i started drinking every night and smoking weed all day everyday.. it got so bad.. i stopped cutting because that was my way of not being depressed, being high. i started doing pills, any pills.. i did whatever i could to get high until one day i realized what i was doing to myself, i called my grandma and asked if i could stay there for a while, i did. i stopped doing drugs and drinking, but i went back to cutting. my mom finally stopped seeing her boyfriend and started staying home again, we both needed each other a lot so i moved back in, my mom cuts too. it's hurts me so bad when i look at her and see the cuts everywhere.. it hurts so much thinking that she probably feels the way i do too.. and i'd never want someone to feel that pain especially her.. but anyways, i'm just dragging on so i'll leave it at this.. i'm a cutter, i wanna stop, mostly.. i just don't know how to.. i'm addicted.. i need advice, please..

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By Monica5 on Sat, 05-05-12, 16:33

Hi, I'm so sorry for what you are going through, you are soyoung and you shouldbe out having fun. Have you talked to you parents about the way you are feeling? You are not a bad person for cutting yourself, I am an adult and I have done things that hurt me for a guy.

Well Now you have someone to talk too, you came to the right place for understanding ans compassion. I am here for you if you ever want to just talk, yell, and scarem. I wont to do all those thing sometimes, but I dont think if will look good for a grown woman to be yelling all the time.

I have a 15 year old granddaughter and I would want her to come and talk to me if she was in trouble. Did you tell you mom this is what you are doing? If not please talk to her and maybe you both can get the help you need together.

But feel free to post anytime you need to. Pm me if you want as well.

big hugs
Monica

"God give me strength to be strong through all the miss hapes thats going on in my life"

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By ethes on Sat, 02-25-12, 23:00

I am sorry you are in this pain. I am in my 40s but Ive had a lifetime of doing different things to fill the emptiness. My 17 yr old does not cut but still I can see her pain. My oldest son who is 28 now. kept me up many nights worrying what he might do next. He did cut. Doesnt any more. but still has painful lows in life, same as me. I have no idea where you are spiritually and I would not want to offend anyone. But, when me and my kids are together and focusing on how much our creator loves us, and how amazing he is, that fills the void. Of course we all find our selves back in the abyss. I have to reanalize things everyday. I have to remind my self that I have a purpose on this earth and being self destructive gets in the way. only makes pain worse. I sincerely hope and prey that it does not take you to long to find ways to fill the emptiness and pain. You are young have a full life ahead of you. God Bless. I hope this has helped

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By i just wanna stop on Sat, 02-25-12, 23:21

thank you both so much. a little support is all i need. My mom does know about me doing it, she does believe i have stopped though. We have talked about getting help, But right now i am letting her get her's first because there's also other things i haven't talked about on here that i am going through, and we need to deal with that before dealing with everything else. but thank you so much for the support, i just needed someone to understand where im comming from.

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By Monica5 on Sat, 02-25-12, 23:44

I havent read any other post of yours yet but i will get to it. I am so sorry what you you both are going through.

My prayers are with you and your mom.
Monica

"God give me strength to be strong through all the miss hapes thats going on in my life"

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By ashleyystewart13 on Sat, 05-05-12, 11:57

Im 15 too.
And eveything you just described sounds just like me and what I'm going through.
I did the same thing, barely ate and slept all day.
I always stayed in my room.
Hurting myself.
But I know things will get better for the both of us(:

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By i just wanna stop on Wed, 05-09-12, 06:45

it will, keep your head up. (:

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By Alexgrace167 on Thu, 05-10-12, 02:39

It sounds like you have gone through some rough things, but I can relate to pretty much everything. When I was depressed I started doing ecstasy any chance I got and also like you any pill I could get my hands on. I ended up taking morphine on the daily and my freshman year
i got expelled for distributing a controlled substance and got put on probation. Which just made me more depressed and I started cutting but stopped the drugs, after that me and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up now im 16 and have developed an eating disorder, plus have bipolar disorder and other mental health issues. I really feel for you and want to help you in anyway I can so Im going to support you and please message me anytime If you just want to talk about anything or are feeling down. Stay strong <3

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