got a personal question

By k9trnr247 on Fri, 02-24-12, 10:49

Posted in Group:

I work at a facility that there are only three employees. It could be a very relaxed work place but due to my schizophrenia and the past and how I am just with in myself. I know I am not perfect by any manner, but I am criticized by how dirty my house was when I lived there. plus many other things. I know I am not clean like many but filthy is not the truth either. But the two I work with are clean freaks. I lived at the house at the place I worked, so they did see it. One how do you cope with the things these people say to you and not let it get to you. Also both are two faced, but one of them is much better at it. One of them we will blow up at each other from time to time, and things get brought up that I never knew was a problem or things I have tried to fix or work on once I knew it was an issue. The other girl you would think she has no problem with you, but I know this is not true. There are times I do things with her, and part of me enjoys that time, but times like today I feel like I am not wanted to be around her either. It makes me feel more judged and that whole two faced issue. I know both of these guys have talked shit about me when they thought I was not around and it hurt. And yes with schizophrenia it is exasperated. But I realize that fact. But how do I still deal with coping with the one co worker that seems ok with me most of the time even though deep inside I know she is not. Or do you just go in do your job and leave and not talk or interact with them at all, or do you do what I have done and seem like things are ok but inside you you get torn up. And yes this one person will lie right to your face I ahve cought her in that action and brought up things I know she was saying was not true, then she wiggled her way in her seat to make it all ok with me, which i was not but that is one of my faults.
How do you cope with an office when you feel you are not wanted and feel out of place any more. ANd you know they say one thing right to your face, but something behind you back as soon as you leave.

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By kitcat1 on Fri, 02-24-12, 13:33

That is a tough one. Only If you can separate work from home. But that was hard for me to do and still hard for me at home. Some people can just do their job and then go home and don't think of their day at home. But I was one of those who couldn't forget. So I am not sure I can give you the proper advice. With my BP it is so hard just to keep stable for me. I am so glad you are working and you are battling your schizophrenia in a good way that you are able to work cause I am not able to work. Maybe just do your job and socialize when you have to to fake to make it and try not to think about it at home. But easier said then done . But some people can do this.

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By k9trnr247 on Sat, 02-25-12, 08:13

thanks. Some things just hurt that is said and then just with the schizophrenia it seems to make it worse. I am not one that is any good at letting certain things go, and with this job it is almost to the point if I could do some of the things the voices tell me and not get caught I probably would getting caught is the only thing still keeping me from acting on it. As for my home there is a problem there. I live in my truck. For the most part I do ok, but there are many hours it is just you and the voices and that is probably the one thing I struggle with in living in my truck, neither of us is willing to let it go and they say things that make me want to do something so much but I just cant. I have a mp3 player I listen to and newpapers and books I read, i try to keep my mind occupied, but the noise still creeps in. Then lately I feel like i need to quit this job, but one been here for 20 year and second I feel already like I fail many things over and over and to quit this job I know I think I am doing it for safety of myself and others, but it is just also another failure in my life.

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By stanisz on Fri, 03-02-12, 08:32

my opinion, i put my head up high and a smile on my face and just know in my heart that i am part of the universe no less than the tree and the stars and i have a right to be here. all my best. you are the greatest k9trnr247. all my best, maria

...love and prayers and may the Lord Bless us All!

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By k9trnr247 on Thu, 03-08-12, 07:38

what if you dont feel you have a right or purpose to be here.

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By stanisz on Fri, 03-09-12, 05:18

dear k9trnr for me it was a question of practice. i started with the knowledge that i had the right to be here. i used that line from the desiderata. you have a right to be here no less than there trees or the stars. it was practice, and it still is. i practiced by saying it outloud in my own mind and putting that smile on my face and going forward as if i knew the greatest secret and i did.

as for purpose, well that's another issue, my purpose is not always clear, sometimes it is very simple. it may be to be helpful to those people God has put in my path. and so i try to be the best at it that i can be,without messing myself up.

i try to keep my thinking around these issues simple, if i overthink them i get in trouble. it is wonderful that you are thinking about them. so few people do. you have a great mind, very introspective, and i appreciate the challenge of the question. may you be blessed,and i am sending you all my best with prayer, maria

...love and prayers and may the Lord Bless us All!

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