Empty Nest Syndrome

Hi Bettyboop63, thank you so much for being here with us. I am not a mother, though I have a mother who has definitely been suffering from empty nest syndrome. She recently retired and I know that everything hit her like a ton of bricks. She has 3 grown children who all live away from home and has even opened up to me about feeling depressed and not knowing what's next for her life. I really try to be there for my mother, but I can only begin to imagine how she is feeling and I desperately want to help her through this. All that I want is for her to be happy and to continue to have a fulfilling life.

I hope that some of our other wonderful mothers here will give you direct insight on this.

puppydoglvr,

Thank you for your comments. Empty nest is very difficult, and it helps greatly to know that our grown children still love us and need us. It is wonderful that you try to be there for your own Mom. My children also try to be there for me.
Of course, we ultimately have to find our own new meaning in life, and we can not depend on anyone else to do it for us. It is a long, difficult process, and probably the most important thing a child can do is never stop completely needing their parents, whether it be for emotional support or just occasional advice.
I noticed your photo of your lovely dogs. I also have a puppy and now that my children are grown, she is a great deal of company to me.
Again,
Thank you,
BettyBoop63

Hi BettyBoop63, how are you doing and feeling today? You are so right in that it's important to find your own purpose and meaning. Even I have to do so at this stage in my life. I am working to help my mom through this stage of her life, because she's sacrificed everything for her children, and I want to be there for her. She told me that what's really been helping her through this time is taking it one day at a time, because the thought of the future on the whole really gave her anxiety. She is settling into retirement and empty nest slowly but surely. I've noticed a big change in her over the past week, because of her change in mindset. Also, my parents recently adopted a dog and he gives her so much company, love, and fulfillment. I love that you have a dog that does that for you too, that's so wonderful.

Betty, its is difficult to know where we fit in w/our older children, I've been working on letting them take the lead (making boundaries) & let me know & every once in a while giving them a call just to say "Hi" & your correct as our children will always need their parents. I too walk my 2 dogs along with finding other useful activities.

Glad your here talking w/all of us friend.

Take care of you.

April

Hello everyone. I am new to this on line support group.
I never realized how much a child going away can affect
your everyday life. Amazingly I am not parent but a sibling to a
wonderful 17 year old sister. I was 18 when parents had
my little sister and I fell in love instantly. She slept on my
back till about 6yrs of age. All these years has passed
and the attachment at both ends are extremely strong.
Her Prom is this Friday and the thought of her preparing for
it brings me great sadness because soon she will going
away to college. I feel terrible that i feel this way becasue in
no way have i ever been selfish with her.
I feel as if she was distraction for me. I have
been so busy raising her that I made her my world and now
that she is leaving i am feeling a sense of loss. Its an emptiness
I cannot explain . I have lost my appetite and cry a lot. I feel depressed
through out the day to where I have to now reach out for help. My
anxiety level is extremely high. It just feels as if i have fell apart.
I am very proud of the young woman she has turned to be.
I thought i would just try a support group in surrounded by people
who are experiencing empty nest syndrome. Please feel free to respond.

Hi Re, welcome to Support Groups! Thank you so much for being here with us and for sharing. I think that what you are experiencing, based on your incredible closeness with your sister, is so normal. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, as it's healthy to get those emotions out and not to suppress them. Though, then it's important to start focusing on all of the positives for you and for her. You are both starting beautiful new chapters in your lives; you will both always be such a huge part of one another's lives, though it's time to shift focus on yourself. Can you start setting goals and making plans for yourself; it's about creating daily purpose for yourself and creating a level excitement for your own life. My parents are experiencing empty nest syndrome as my siblings and I are not only all out of the house, but we all really have very busy individual lives. I am trying to help my parents as much as I can with finding interests and creating purpose. My dad is doing well with it, but my mom is having a very hard time. I am helping her through this slowly but surely.

I know that you will get through this and move onto the next chapter of your life in such a wonderful way. Please know that we are here for you and here to help you through this.

I find it amazing to see that there is actually a name out for this type of situation. At first I was confused and cannot pin point my sadness. I thought I was just becoming anxious due to fear of the unknown. That itself is very depressing. Her
Prom is tonight and my chest is soooo tight. Its amazing how one can allow their thoughts to control their emotions. It has been a struggle. I have been thinking of ways to distract myself. Push myself to get to work even though its difficult.

I wake up with this down feeling and just wanna put my head down and cry, but I have been doing better with holding in the cry. This is a very important time in her life and the last thing I wanna do is create more drama in her life. She is already having a difficult time moving away to college.

Thank you for your support and response.

Re, do give youself time as its difficult to know where we fit in our older kids (or older siblings) life sometimes & I had to take mental notes from alot here & my 19yrs. old son as he told me "hes ready to make mistakes & learn by them" & hes right otherwise how else are they going go forward w/what they have learned from us :) so dont cry honey & let your sister guide you along as to what she needs from you & you'll start to deprogram certain unnecessary parental things & become more one w/her & have a great relationship.

We're here listening & college is a big step Hurrah for your sisters wonderful hard work, bet your so proud huh.

April

Hi Betty,
I know exactly how you feel!!! I always worked too but my kids took the remainder of my time. When they moved out it shattered my world. I agree they have to move on and make their own way, but it doesn't stop us as parents from missing them terribly, to the point of tears somedays. Both my kids lived far from me, now one of them has moved back here, and the other one is moving much closer, so I am ecstatic. My oldest and his wife are actually staying with me at the moment, funny thing is I have gotten used to life without the kids and am ready for them to get their own place. Love them with everything that I am, and I am happy they are close now, but not under my roof close :)

A shout out to all empty nesters -- this part of life is really tough. I am especially feeling sorry for myself because I am also a widow; and as each child leaves, I feel the grief anew. I still have 3 children at home, but one is autistic and another suffers from anxiety and depression. My oldest son, a junior in college, has virtually estranged himself from our family; it does hurt so much. Of course I am proud that he is working hard and wants to be independent, but you'd think he could call once in a while....a whine I know.-- I try to see the positive in each day; and am trying to discover new interests......sigh......well, we'll make it somehow!!
Find something to be grateful for every day........