Depressed and Alone.

By redprincess on Thu, 02-02-12, 23:40

Posted in Group:

Depression

Hi. I'm new to this group, I just wanted to get this out of my chest.

So last year, I've broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years because he cheated on me. I have issues with myself. Being alone makes me miserable all the time. We were broken off for about 8 months. FIrst few months were a real challenge but I made it. Just when I was ready to really move on.. he comes back asking me to get back with him. He said he'll change. Like I said, I feel really miserable when I'm all by myself. So I decided, why not give it a try.

Right then, I feel almost no love for him anymore. I just agreed because I wanted someone. We were back together for over 2 months. We fought alot because I can never trust him again after what he did. But the past few days, I started to have the feelings back again. I started to hold on to him again.

I know that the right thing to do is just break things off, given the situation that we have, but I just can't do it. I'm afraid of being alone again. But I was sure of what needed to be done.

So yesterday, we fought again.. leading to another break up. I am sure that I don't want him back anymore. I just feel lonely. Like, no one will ever love me. I just want someone in my life. Just someone to share. I just want to wake up every morning knowing that someone will be there for me. I have issues being single. Sometimes I wonder, what I ever did wrong that I can't be happy.

I envy my friends who are living a better life than me. I have close friends, but I don't want to share these things with them. They'd help me, sure. But I don't want them to know. They think that I'm a strong person. But I'm weak, and sometimes I hate myself for it. I just want to be happy. I wish the pain will just go away.

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By Niomi on Fri, 02-03-12, 03:24

Hi redprincess.I can relate to the feeling of not wanting to be alone but i've learnt the hard way that when your with the wrong person for the wrong reasons that is the worst loneliness of all.And no your not weak your human.Have you considered a therapist to help you work through this?we have to learn to love ourselves,faults and all (as hard as that can be sometimes)and never settle for less than we deserve.Concentrate on yourself for a while,and be kind to yourself(no-one's perfect)if you feel he needs to go then stick to your guns,when we're always in a relationship we forget who we are.So my advice is go find yourself again and get some help along the way.Good luck :)

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